


Sasha Yeets a Frog

by TheCrusaderKing



Category: Amphibia (Cartoon)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Gen, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Or will they?, anne might disagree though, but what she doesn't know can't hurt her, don't tell anne and marcy!, just let them be glorious murder-children guys!, sasha is a great influence on sprig, sprig and sasha teaming up!, the morally ambiguous murder duo is here!, they don't get along, they only want to get you back, they probably won't, those bandits better watch out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29409534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheCrusaderKing/pseuds/TheCrusaderKing
Summary: When an ill-advised scouting trip goes wrong, a reluctant Sprig must team up with an even-more-reluctant Sasha to save Anne and Marcy from a decrepit fortress teeming with murderous bandits...
Relationships: Sprig Plantar & Sasha Waybright
Comments: 47
Kudos: 45





	Sasha Yeets a Frog

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. At long last, I've finally got this one out! Not much to say that hasn't been said in the tags, except that Sasha shall yeet, and Sprig shall be yote. That's really all you need to know going in, I think.
> 
> 2\. As always, hope you enjoy the fic, and I look forward to what you've got to say about it! My first time doing serious action, so we'll see how well that goes...
> 
> Edit: Almost forgot to mention that this was a request from JON here on AO3! I hope you like it!

**Sprig**

It was an objectively beautiful day. The sun was shining brightly overhead, flowers bloomed in a rainbow of interesting colors amidst the vibrant green of tree leaves and jungle vines all around, and the chirping, squeaking, and chittering of a variety of potentially-frog-eating-but-still-pleasant-sounding creatures surrounded the small campsite. Some might even go so far as to say that it was a great-no,  _ perfect  _ day for an adventure with friends…

So why was Sprig stuck guarding the camp while Anne and Marcy had the adventure without him?!

The three of them had come all this way out here on behalf of King Andrias, investigating rumors that forces of the Toad Rebellion had been spotted in the area. Three of them. As in, all three of them were supposed to be doing this together. At least, that was Sprig’s assumption when he’d volunteered to go along.

Instead, he’d been told to stay back and take care of their campsite while the two humans checked out an old, abandoned fortress that Marcy thought the toads might have been using as a base of operations. Anne and Marcy were checking out a cool fortress, while Sprig made sure their tent didn’t fall down. Because those two things were definitely equally as vital and important and one was not completely demeaning in any way.

It wasn’t like they didn’t know he could handle himself. He and Anne had gone on plenty of adventures. And he’d definitely proved himself to Marcy on the trip here with how he handled himself against the various animal attacks and obstacles they’d faced. Why couldn’t he come?

...Maybe he should’ve made these arguments while they were still in front of him, instead of stewing in his own frustration and insisting that he was fine staying back.

At any rate, there was no use arguing now. They’d be back soon, and he’d make sure that they included him next time. He just had to wait it out…

(If either of them asked later, the tracks worn into the dirt through the center of the campsite were the result of endurance training meant to improve his stamina, which was completely different from pacing back and forth).

* * *

_ Stay safe, Sprig! We’ll be back in an hour! Don’t let any animals eat you! Or our supplies! _

Those had been Anne’s last words to him, shouted over her shoulder as she and Marcy disappeared into the foliage. It had been more than an hour. Sprig was officially getting worried.

This worry was compounded by the sound of heavy, intrusive rustling on his right, coming steadily towards him.

Sprig slipped into a combat stance, on full alert as the rustling, which could only be coming from something big and dangerous and  _ hungry,  _ drifted closer and closer. His mind raced as he tried to think of his next move. Should he hide until it passed? But what if it ate all their food? Anne and Marcy would never trust him to come along again if he managed to mess up the one task they’d left him with. Of course, confronting whatever it was could very well mean there wouldn’t  _ be _ a Sprig left for them to be disappointed in...

And suddenly, the ferns in front of him started to shake, and the decision was taken out of his hands.

A face stepped through the greenery and into the small clearing that held the campsite. There was more to it than just a face, but that was hard to focus on when this face had occupied several of his nightmares, and many of his most bitter thoughts for weeks after he’d first seen it.

This face belonged to Sasha Waybright, the supposed ‘friend’ of his own friends. She stood in front of him, predatory blue eyes sweeping the clearing for just a second before they focused in on him. They widened, then narrowed as surprised recognition dawned within them, and Sprig felt a dangerous chill run down his spine. They stared at each other for agonizing moments, until, at last, the human’s hand twitched towards her hip, a glint of metal hanging at her side.

They both broke into action.

Without a word (unless an angry growl counted as a word), the blonde human charged forward, pulling her sword from where it was sheathed at her side. Sprig jumped out of the way with a yelp. He swung around, and immediately ducked to avoid losing his head to a swing of his opponent’s sword, scrambling away with another hop.

Thinking quickly as he turned to face her once more, he shot his tongue out to wrap around her sword arm as she raised it for another charge. She tried to pull her arm free, grunting as she tugged fruitlessly. Then, as she tried to switch her sword to her other hand, Sprig used his tongue to launch himself towards her, flying directly at her.

(A split second before he made contact, Sprig realized that he might not have thought this particular plan through).

He slammed into her chestplate, sending her stumbling backward with him along for the ride… right into the tent.

The tent, being a construction of mostly fabric with a few metal poles to keep it up, was no match for the combined weight of an evil human and a young frog. Sasha fell back atop it, crushing it under their weight as Sprig went with her to the ground.

Sprig groaned, pulling his sore tongue back into his mouth as he rolled away from the human girl. He dragged himself up and hopped clear of stabbing distance before he turned to survey the frustrated growls he heard behind him.

His enemy was struggling and flailing, somehow having gotten tangled in the fabric to a point where both her arms were restricted. Belatedly, Sprig realized he should take advantage of this, but by then a wince-worthy sound of tearing cloth could be heard as the blonde cut her way out of her makeshift prison. Because it wasn’t enough for her to knock down the tent he’d been trying to protect; she had to completely ruin it for future use as well. The fiend.

He went back into a battle stance as she stood up, glaring daggers at him with a faint redness in her cheeks. Which was disconcerting, because Sprig hadn’t ever heard of a monster that got  _ embarrassed _ before.

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?!” she growled, apparently electing to try using her words now. Or she was trying to lull him into a false sense of security before she lunged in for the kill.

“What are  _ you  _ doing here?!” Sprig shot back, deciding that he might as well drag this out as long as possible while he thought of a new plan to take her down.

Blue eyes narrowed again. “Answer the question or I’ll cut you in half!” Then, without giving him even a second to answer, she continued with a follow-up question. “Where are the rest of you?”

“Anne and Marcy aren’t-” he started without thinking, then immediately clammed up. Whoops.

“Anne and Marcy?” Those eyes went wide. “...So they’re together?” She sounded… weirdly disappointed. Then, like she’d realized she was starting to act like some sort of person, her face hardened back into a glare. “Where are they?”

It was too late to play dumb, and this line of questioning seemed distracting enough to the blonde that it might help him escape, so why not? 

(Besides, Anne had handled her before. Anne  _ and  _ Marcy together could totally kick her butt if she tried to go after them).

“They’re off looking for the Toad Army.”

She huffed at that, and Sprig couldn’t tell if it was from annoyance or amusement. “Okay. What about  _ you?”  _ she questioned, somehow making  _ you  _ sound like a grave insult.

“I’m… I’m guarding the camp!”

She huffed again, and this time Sprig  _ knew  _ it was amusement, mixed with something he couldn’t quite decipher. “So, Anne left you behind too? Sounds like her…”

“Don’t talk about her like that!” Sprig snapped, because a bully like  _ her _ did  _ not  _ get to criticize someone as nice and awesome and amazing as Anne.

Said bully rolled her eyes. “You didn’t answer my question. I don’t care about  _ what _ they’re doing, I want to know  _ where  _ they are.”

“They’re checking out an abandoned fortress nearby. But I’ll never tell you where it is!”

Just as Sprig realized that she might  _ already  _ know where that was, seeing that she was clearly in the area, the human confirmed his fear. “The fortress?” She reacted in a way that he had not anticipated. With shock. “Are they  _ insane?  _ They can’t take on a fortress full of bandits on their own!”

His anger at himself for giving away their location evaporated. “Wait,  _ bandits? _ What bandits?!”

“That fortress is controlled by a group of bandits out hiding from local authorities! They ambush anyone stupid enough to go near! Which apparently includes your friends!”

Normally, Sprig would’ve defended Anne and Marcy from such an insult, but he was understandably occupied by other concerns. Like the horrible danger they were apparently in from bloodthirsty bandits. Everything else kind of faded into the background of his mind compared to  _ that  _ revelation.

When Sprig failed to respond, the human growled. “I’m gonna go get them out of there. Just stay here and keep guarding your stupid camp, and I’ll go rescue your stupid friends.”

“Wait, I’m  _ not  _ staying behind when they could be in danger! I’m going too!” As reluctant as he was to go  _ anywhere _ with Sasha, he couldn’t deny the potential benefits of having someone with an actual weapon along for the rescue mission. And if she managed to draw all the bandits attention by swinging her sword around like a maniac? Well, that would be an added bonus...

Surpisingly, she didn’t argue with that. “Fine. Just don’t get in my way.” She sheathed her sword, and started walking away. “Come on. There’s a hill where we can get a good look at the fortress.” She looked over her shoulder, glaring at him. “Hurry up and start moving, Squeaky Toy!”

“I’m not going to get in your-wait, _ what did you just call me?” _

* * *

Sprig followed the human girl up to the vantage point, a tall, rocky hill that gave them a surprisingly good view of the fortress. He did this stoically, and with purpose, and in no way did he sulk over her stupid insult. Marcy had described the fort from a book she’d read on the area, but the author clearly hadn’t seen it any time recently, because what he’d described as a small-yet-functional outpost was now a decrepit ruin.

On it’s right side, the fortress was bordered by a sheer cliff. Below was a massive river that Sprig recognized from one of Marcy’s maps, known as  _ Ripper’s Crossing.  _ Probably named after the incident where a group of settlers were devoured by giant piranhas while trying to ford it. The whole structure looked ready to join the bones of those settlers in the river, and Sprig could’ve sworn that the entire right side of the fortress drooped ever so slightly, like the thin ground underneath just couldn’t hold it’s weight any longer.

On the fortress’s left side, the stone wall seemed to have merged with the surrounding jungle, vines and roots and other plants consuming it entirely in green, with spots of blue and yellow and a myriad of other colors where flowers grew. Slowly, the whole place was being reclaimed by nature.

At the front of the fortress, facing towards them, the gate was hanging wide open. From this distance, Sprig couldn’t see a single person inside or on the walls. The place looked abandoned. Or like a place that unsuspecting travelers would  _ assume  _ is abandoned, right before they were jumped and robbed and probably killed.

Humans weren’t exactly a common thing in Amphibia. Hopefully that novelty would be enough for the bandits to spare their lives, at least until they could be rescued.

“See that gate? They use it to lure people in.” Sasha explained, confirming what he’d already guessed.

“Yeah, kinda figured that out already.”

Sasha sniffed at that. Then she squinted at the fortress, looking almost offended. “Did they seriously think I’d be dumb enough to set up shop in a place like that? It’s a total deathtrap.”

There was nothing Sprig had to say here that wouldn’t be insulting, and while that normally wouldn’t be a problem considering this was  _ Sasha  _ he was talking to, he at least had the presence of mind to recognize that insulting the person helping him get his friends back wasn’t a good idea. At least, not if he actually wanted her to go through with the whole ‘helping’ thing instead of continuing her attempt to chop him into little pieces.

“There’s a cave that runs underneath the fortress, and leads right into a cellar beneath one of the walls. We can get in there. We’ve known about it for a while, but we never had a reason to deal with these losers until now.”

“And you have a reason now?” Sprig questioned, because no way was Sasha doing this out of the goodness of her heart. If she even had a heart.

She glared at him. Again. “Of course I do. There’s about 20 bandits from what we could tell. Shouldn’t be too hard. Let’s go.”

Abruptly, and without any further explanation or mention of an actual  _ plan,  _ the blonde turned and started marching back down the hill.

For a moment, Sprig questioned if this was a good idea, or if they were both about to die, or even if this was all an elaborate plan by Sasha to get him horribly killed. Then he realized that he didn’t have any better ideas, and so he followed after her, hoping that he wasn’t marching to his death, and that Anne and Marcy could hold on until they got to them…

* * *

**Sasha**

One minute, Sasha was on a self-assigned patrol to take a break from the unending difficulties of leading a rebellion; the next, she was on a mission to save her ex-friends from bandits alongside the slimy, pink frog who’d helped ruin her relationships with them to begin with. Because that was exactly what she needed to destress after a morning of listening to a bunch of idiots (and Grime) yelling at each other over strategy. That she’d had to do some yelling herself only added to how wound-up she was. At the very least, this could be an opportunity to vent some of that anger.

Once again, Sasha had to thank this world for being the absolute worst. Keeping her expectations low like that made it hard to be disappointed. 

They found the cave entrance, partially concealed by vines, and made their way through. This would be a simple, not-at-all-aggravating process, were it not for the little, pink Squeaky Toy trailing behind her and endlessly whining about everything.

“Do you  _ actually  _ have a plan for when we get in? I kinda feel like you’re just going to get us both killed. Are you sure this cave is safe? We’re pretty close to the cliff-side of the fort, and I saw a hole earlier that was just a straight drop down into the river.Why are you even doing this?”

Letting him come was a mistake. He was going to get in the way, and get himself killed. Or Sasha would kill him herself to preserve her increasingly fragile sanity. Either way, he wouldn’t be able to annoy her anymore, so she’d consider it a win. Even though Anne and Marcy would probably never stop whining if anything happened to him...

...Did she even care what they thought anymore? Whatever. It wasn’t like it mattered. She’d rescue them, and then, she’d...

(Capture them for the toads like Grime would probably want? Let them go free in the vain hope of winning back their friendship? Did she even want them back? Was there even a chance?)

“Did you go deaf in the last few minutes, or are you just being a jerk?”

Sasha whipped around, fixing the tiny frog with her most potent do-as-I-say glare. “Would you shut up? Every bandit in the fort is gonna know we’re coming if you keep babbling like that.” Satisfied by the silent, wide-eyed look she received, she turned back around, and tried to avoid letting such dangerous thoughts overtake her focus again...

“I’d shut up if you actually bothered to tell me the plan. You’re not exactly inspiring a whole lot of trust here. I mean, not that I trusted you before. For all I know, this fortress is full of toads and this is just a trick to capture me. Wouldn’t be the first time you pulled something like that…” He coughed exaggeratedly. “The tower!” Another cough.

Irritating, stubborn, and with a complete inability to understand when someone else knew best and he should just do as he’s told. No wonder Anne had turned out the way she did spending so much time with frogs like him.

“...I’m talking about the tower, in case you didn’t catch that.”

She was definitely regretting this. 

* * *

_ Finally,  _ they found the crevice that one of her scouts had reported while investigating possible routes of attack for if the bandits ever became a problem. Just as she’d said, there was a simple, discrete mark of chalk on the cave wall next to it to signal its position.

It was wide enough to fit a fully-grown toad soldier. It would be more than enough for a slender cheerleader like herself. And the frog, whose body was fittingly tiny to match his brain.

“So, why don’t the bandits know about this?” Sasha ignored him for a moment, leaning in to listen to faint noises coming from within… “I mean, what if they  _ do,  _ and they have traps-”

“I don’t know,” she whisper-snapped, “because they’re stupid? Now shut up, I can hear voices on the other side. Stay quiet, and follow me.”

Sasha didn’t wait to see if he’d listen, slipping through the gap in the rock. Just as she’d expected, it was an easy fit. She came out the other side behind a stack of dusty wooden crates about half her height. The cellar was dark, with only a small amount of flickering light ahead. She crouched down, the voices loud and clear now, and turned to see Sprig creeping in behind her, apparently listening to her this time. At least he wasn’t a total idiot, then. Maybe she could throw him at a bandit as a distraction...

He looked at her questioningly, but she shushed him with a finger to her lips, and peeked out over the crates to see what they were dealing with.

There were two of them, a newt and a toad, both with their backs turned as they rummaged through a crate of what looked to be construction tools. A lit lantern and two helmets were positioned on a nearby crate. Were they trying to repair the fort? Good luck with that…

The armor they wore was like nothing she’d seen before. There were some metal and leather scraps patched together, but the majority of their bodies were covered by what looked to be repurposed pieces of insect carapace with cloth underneath. Clearly they’d been away from civilization for a long time, if they were resorting to that over proper armor. Or maybe it was just their aesthetic. With everything she’d seen in this strange world, it wouldn’t really surprise her to learn that this bandit clan thought wearing bits of bugs made them look cool and scary instead of primitive and stupid.

The newt wore a spear and a crossbow on his back. The toad had a warhammer. All of it looked rusty, and worn, like it had seen a lot of use. Or it was really old.

The newt, tall, and dark green, was talking in a nasally tone. “So, did you hear about those creatures the boys pulled in? Just walked through the front gate like they owned the place!” He sounded amused as he piled a few hammers on the crate next to him. “Thought they were newts at first from how tall they was, but apparently not. I ain’t never seen anything like them before.”

“So what’s the boss doin’ with ‘em?” The light brown toad asked, voice rough and grumbly as he reached deep into the box and pulled out a saw. They both sounded like idiots. That might make things easier.

“I don’t know. Guess he wants to question them. See what they’s doing here. Or maybe he’ll have ‘em chopped up for rations.”  _ What? _

“I’d like that,” the toad chuckled. “Been too long since we’ve had good, fresh meat. I wonder what they’ll taste like?”  _ You’re never gonna find out, you bastard. _

“I’m not so sure.” The newt stopped working, and the toad followed suit. “I mean, we’ve never even heard of things like them before. Who knows what kinda parasites or diseases they got?”

“Well, if you don’t want ‘em, I could take your share!”

“Now, let’s not get hasty here…” They both laughed, like eating people was a normal thing to laugh about. God, she hated this world.

She’d heard enough out of these guys. Unsheathing her sword, she vaulted the crates with ease, lunging forward to slam her hilt into the toad’s head; he dropped like a puppet with its strings cut. The newt gaped at her, clearly not expecting an enemy to just pop out of the wall. Sasha raised her sword, deciding to question him to find out where Anne and Marcy were being kept. “Keep your mouth shut, or I swear I’ll-”

A crate dropped heavily on the bandit’s head, sending him to the ground with a crash before she could even finish her threat. Moth-eaten bolts of cloth spilled out on the floor and over his body as the box splintered. He didn’t get back up.

Sasha stared at the motionless figure on the ground, dumbfounded. Then she looked up and to her left. There she found the frog, standing atop a stack of crates, and looking way too pleased with himself for someone who’d completely messed up her plan. “What are you doing?!” A bit late, she realized she should probably keep her voice down.

He looked down at her, idiot confusion in his pink features. “What? I got the other one. Kinda wish you would’ve  _ told  _ me we were attacking, but I got him. You’re welcome.”

Unbelievable. “That newt saw Anne and Marcy. He could’ve known where they’re being held. But now we can’t find that out, because  _ you  _ dropped a box on his head like an idiot.”

“Well how was I supposed to know?” The frog threw his hands up, still not coming down from his perch or she would’ve throttled him. “You didn’t tell me what the plan was. How was I supposed to know if you didn’t tell me? “I  _ still  _ don’t know how you plan to deal with the rest of them.”

She needed to get out of here before she did something to the frog that alerted every bandit in the fort. Sasha looked around for an exit, and found one to her left, past the frog: a set of stairs leading up to what she could only assume was the rest of the fort. At the same time, she couldn’t help but notice the way the ceiling  _ sagged _ above them, held up by wooden supports that looked half-rotten. Suddenly, she had another reason to want out of here as soon as possible.

“Come on. We’ll try these stairs and see where we end up. We’ll decide what to do from there.” By which she meant  _ she’d  _ decide, and the frog would keep his mouth shut unless he wanted to be used as a blunt-force weapon against the next bandit she came across.

“So, is this you admitting that you don’t have a plan?”

_ Keep talking, Squeaky Toy. You’re looking more and more like a potential club… _

* * *

**Sprig**

The stairs led up to a hatch, and that hatch led to the outside world. They came out right next to the cliff-side wall, and immediately ducked behind a pile of nearby rubble. There were no bandits that he could see, but better safe than sorry. The center of the fort was dominated by a large, ruined husk of stone and old wood  _ (the keep,  _ a little voice that sounded suspiciously like Marcy said in his head), blocking off most lines of sight towards the rest of the courtyard  _ (the bailey,  _ that voice clarified again).

That was something Marcy had taught him on the way. Fort terminology.

“Hmm… that’s lazy,” Sasha muttered, seemingly more to herself than him. “You’d think they’d have people keeping an eye on every part of the fort for intruders. Idiots.”

“Well, I guess you’d know how to be a good bandit,” Sprig quipped.

She scowled at him. She’d done that so many times in the past half hour that it was starting to lose its effect. “We’re  _ not  _ bandits; we’re freedom fighters,” she insisted with the confidence of someone who’d spent too long reading their own propaganda.

“Yeah, sure.” It probably wasn’t a good time to get into this, so Sprig decided to let her have this delusion. He did make sure she could see him roll his eyes, though.

Sasha growled slightly, but turned to look over the rubble. Sprig hopped up to join her, and followed her gaze until he saw a wooden staircase, hastily repaired with rotten planks and rope, leading up to the top of the wall. She hesitated for a moment, then looked at him.

“We’ll take that staircase up. Assuming these guys aren’t  _ total  _ idiots, which I’m honestly starting to doubt considering what we’ve seen so far, they’ll have people up on the walls. We’ll sneak around until we find one, grab them, and question them to see if they know where Anne and Marcy are being kept. It’ll be risky, and there’s a chance someone might see us and raise the alarm, but it’s not like we have much choice seeing how  _ you  _ brained the last guy who could’ve told us.”

There she went again with the strangely insulting  _ you,  _ but Sprig couldn’t even find it in himself to be offended. He was busy being shocked that she’d actually bothered to tell him the plan this time.

By the time he finished processing that, she was halfway towards the stairs, crouched and glaring back at him. So. Still not so good at asking for feedback on the plan. Great.

Adventures were never this annoying with Anne.

* * *

They did find a guard. A lime-green frog, in the same armor the bandits in the cellar had been wearing. He was peeking above the embrasure of the front corner of the wall, overlooking the gate when they snuck up on him. No wonder Sprig hadn’t been able to spot any signs of life from the hill. The guards were all hiding, probably to maintain the illusion that the fort was abandoned, and perfectly safe for any travelers looking to explore or seeking a safe place to rest for the night.

(He’d been right. This side of the wall did seem to sag a little).

One of them must have made a misstep, because the guard turned around, eyes bulging in shock for just a second before Sasha grabbed him by the throat with one hand, wrenching a crossbow away from him with the other.

“Keep your mouth shut,” the toad loyalist ordered, even though Sprig really didn’t think the frog was capable of saying much with her fingers around his neck.

“Uh, I think you’ll have to let him go if you want him to answer any questions.”

She stared at him with a blank expression that somehow radiated pure contempt. Then, without looking away for even a second, she dropped the frog on the ground. Before he could try and scramble away, making noises of mind-numbed terror, she reached down and took hold of a flailing leg, lifting him back into the air as she held her sword to his throat, still staring at Sprig. “He can talk now,” she said plainly. 

The bandit babbled incoherently, swinging from Sasha’s grip with her sword at his neck.

“Maybe calm down with the sword?” Sprig suggested, deciding to play the good cop in this situation. Like what Anne had taught him.

(Cop. What a funny word. Kinda hard to believe someone like Sasha could come from a species that came up with such whimsical terms for things as simple as sheriffs and deputies).

Slowly, Sasha let her sword drop from the bandit’s neck.

“Thank you, oh thank you. Now-look, I don’t want to die-ah!”

Not missing a beat, Sasha carried the frog over to the edge of the wall bordering the cliff, dangling him out over the ledge. Because apparently she was going  _ really  _ hard on the bad cop angle. Maybe a bit  _ too  _ hard. If him smashing people’s belongings in pursuit of his blue moon shell was over the line, he couldn’t imagine Anne being okay with straight-up murder. There was some serious escalation involved going from vandalism to… that.

“Here’s how this is going to work,” Sasha declared, evidently lacking the same reservations as Anne. “I’m going to ask you some questions. You’re going to answer those questions. And if I like your answers, I might not drop you off this cliff.  _ So you better make sure I like them.  _ Got it?”

The frog nodded frantically, which admittedly looked pretty silly from this angle. His eyes were still wide in animal-terror, but he kept his mouth shut. That was… probably smart.

“So…” Sprig felt the need to get something out of the way here. “This is a figurative murder-threat, right? Because, I really don’t feel like we should-”

“First question,” Sasha growled, ignoring him. “Did you see them bringing prisoners in, about an hour ago?”

A nod.

“Where were they taken?”

“To the holding cells…” The bandit stuttered through his words, but he seemed to be getting a grip on his fear.

“Where are these cells, and how can I reach them?” That’s fine, just forget he was here…

“Through the old commander’s quarters. The boss uses it as an office. The door is through there, and he has the key. It’s on the other side of the fort, in the wall.” 

“Wow, you cracked easy. Why through there? Doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for the commander’s quarters to connect directly to the dungeon.”

“The-the only other entrance is blocked by rubble. I don’t know exactly why the fort is built that way. The boss… he found some old journals from-”

“I don’t need a history lesson,” Sasha said harshly. “So, the key is on your boss? Or in his office?”

“Normally he’d keep it in his desk, but-but when we get prisoners, he likes to keep it on him. More convenient that way, I guess…”

Sasha hummed for a second, then nodded. “That’s all I needed to know. Thanks.”

“Okay, great, I promise I won’t say anything about-”

The human released her grip before Sprig could even say a word about it, and the bandit plummeted out of sight, his screams fading away quickly in the humid air.

“Why’d you do that?!” Sprig shouted, forgetting all about stealth, which he thought could be forgiven considering the  _ murder _ that had just taken place in front of him. “You said you wouldn’t drop him!”

She rolled her eyes, like this was somehow an overreaction to what she’d just done. “I said I  _ might  _ not drop him. I never made any promises.”

“You killed him!” Sprig said, feeling that she was somewhat missing the point of why he was upset.

A shrug. “There’s a river down there. Frogs like water, don’t they?”

“Okay, first of all, hydrophobia is a thing that exists, so not  _ all _ frogs like water. Second of all,  _ there’s giant piranhas in that river!” _

“...Huh.” Huh. That was her response to learning she’d just fed someone to killer fish. “Oh well.”

“Oh well? You can’t just say  _ oh well,  _ he’s-”

“Not our problem anymore,” Sasha finished, which was not at all what he was going to say. “You heard what he said. Let’s sneak along the wall and take out any more guards we find, and then head down on the other side and get into that office.” She gave him a stoney glare, which somehow felt different from her previous looks. “You want to get your friends back, right? Follow me, and you’ll get them back. Don’t tell me you actually care if the bandits who kidnapped your friends get offed?”

Despite himself, Sprig couldn’t help but ponder that for a moment.

“...Knock-outs only,” he insisted, because he didn’t think he could do this alone, but he also didn’t want to explain to Anne and Marcy how they’d left a trail of bodies behind them.

He did not respond to her question. The answer probably wasn’t something his friends would approve of, and he didn’t want to risk Sasha mentioning it to them.

“Fine.”

With that, Sasha crouched down, and continued in the direction of the gate. Sprig followed along reluctantly, and even as he processed what had just happened, he couldn’t help but notice, for the first time, that the blonde had said  _ his  _ friends. Not theirs. Not hers.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about that.

* * *

They took out four more guards along the way. Sprig bashed one over the head with his own helmet, and Sasha handled the rest. Surprisingly, she did as he’d asked, and there was no more tossing-people-off-walls-style behavior. Just some minor head trauma. They’d live. Probably.

It was as they reached the other side they ran into another problem. Vines. Vines, and other plants that had completely overtaken the left wall, winding over it in thick tangles and seemingly burrowing  _ into  _ the stone in places. Flowers of multiple different colors bloomed along their lengths. It was pretty beautiful, even if it was an obstacle to rescuing Anne and Marcy.

As Sasha reached out to start clambering across, Sprig noticed that her hand was just inches away from a worryingly familiar white flower…

“Wait!”

She froze, hand just about to touch the vines. And the flower. Yeah, Sprig definitely recognized it.

“Don’t touch that flower,” he warned, “Marcy showed me a picture of it in one of her books. It causes instant paralysis in any living creature it touches.”

She pulled her hand back quickly, staring at the flower like it would jump up and attack her. “Yeah… I really don’t like the sound of that.” Sasha smirked as she turned to him, now out of danger. “Who would’ve thought Marcy’s constant infodumping would come in handy one day?”

“It’s  _ very _ useful,” Sprig snapped, because he wasn’t about to let Sasha say stuff like that about the people who were supposed to be her friends, “she teaches me stuff all the time. Y’know, for someone who’s supposed to be their friend, you don’t seem to care about them very much.”

He was starting to understand the subtleties of her different glares. This one was leaning more towards  _ offended  _ than angry.

“Whatever,” she huffed, turning away to look down into the fort. And didn’t try to argue. “I can see one bandit, but he’s not looking over here. If we avoid those stupid white flowers, we should be able to climb down using the vines and sneak up on him.” She turned back to him, and now her scowl was leaning back towards  _ angry.  _ “Any more flowers  _ Marcy  _ told you about that we should avoid?”

“...No,” Sprig said after a moment of thought. “At least, I don’t see anything else here that we need to be worried about. I think.”

“Great.” With that not-at-all sarcastic word, Sasha grabbed hold of one of the vines, easily finding a foothold in the tangle of plants as she started to make her way down. Sprig followed, sincerely hoping he was right about only needing to avoid the white flowers, and that the blue flower brushing against his foot didn’t secrete a poison that would kill him slowly over the course of several hours. Or was that one more of an indigo color? He really should have paid more attention to the book…

* * *

**Sasha**

The stupid frog didn’t know what he was talking about. Of course she cared about-well, they weren’t her  _ friends _ anymore, but that didn’t mean she wanted them to  _ die. _

They were on the ground now, behind the bandit she’d noticed, dozing off as they leaned against the wall of the keep with bottles scattered at their feet. Stalking forward, she readied her sword. She was going to take care of this stupid bandit, and then she was going to rescue her stupid ex-friends, and then they’d run off with their stupid, little frog buddy and she’d go back to camp and never think about this whole mess again because it was  _ stupid. _

Just faintly aware of the snarl of rage piercing the silence that could only have come from her own throat, Sasha grabbed the bandit, a newt, throwing him to the ground as she raised her sword to strike, bringing it down with-

A sticky tongue, disgustingly familiar to Sasha, wrapped around her sword arm, yanking it back.

“What are you doing?!” Sasha snarled, whipping around to glower at the frog, tugging pointedly at his tongue.

“Thew cahnt do tiss!”

“What?” Sash was  _ not  _ in the mood for this.

He pulled back his tongue, and Sasha wiped furiously at her arm to get rid of his  _ saliva  _ why was this world so  _ gross- _

“You can’t do this!” he shouted, more clearly now.

“Why not?” 

“Anne and Marcy wouldn’t want you to just kill someone like that! Do you really think they’ll be happy if they find out you were killing people to get them back?”

...She could see that. They were always so nice, so innocent. So unlike her. They’d never condone her doing something like this, but that was why they needed her to protect them. She could do things that they wouldn’t; things that were necessary. They wouldn’t approve, but it wasn’t like they approved of anything she tried to do for them anymore, so did it really matter?

(Was it necessary? Did it matter? So many questions she didn’t know the answers to; didn’t know if she  _ wanted  _ the answers to).

(She didn’t want to have that conversation with them. She knew that).

“...Fine. But only because I don’t want to listen to them whining over it.”

Sprig nodded at that, still tense, like he was expecting her to turn any minute and stab down at the-

_ “Help! Someone help! Intruders! We’ve got intruders!” _

Right. Him. Somehow, she’d forgotten all about him during her moment of introspection. 

She turned and slammed the hilt of her sword into his skull, sending him to the ground. There was a moment of deafening silence in the wake of his shouting, and Sasha exchanged a look with Sprig... 

Just as she released the breath she’d been holding, a door was thrown open further down the wall, and about a dozen bandits came flooding out bearing a variety of spears, crossbows, swords, and-was one of them dual-wielding a knife and fork? They must’ve been eating. That would explain why they’d run into so few of them.

“Kill the intruders! Kill them quick, or the boss’ll kill  _ us!”  _ came the cry from the approaching horde.

Sasha raised her sword. She had no choice but to fight, or they’d never-

_ “Look out!” _

One of the leading bandits raised a crossbow, loosing a bolt in her direction. Time seemed to slow to a crawl, and Sasha could see it getting closer but she couldn’t force her legs to  _ move,  _ and then Sprig was pulling her out of the way, nearly sending them both to the ground as the projectile whistled overhead.

_ Why? _

She didn’t have time to think about it, because then Sprig was tugging on her arm again, directing her to retreat from the charging bandits. Some part of her was aware that she should pull away from his grasp, should stand her ground and fight. But her heart was racing and her mind was overwhelmed with the image of that bolt slicing through the air towards her, and she allowed herself to be pulled along, until they were barging through a door into a room within the wall.

Sprig slammed the door behind them, and then there was only the weak, blue glow of shriveled mushrooms and her heart pounding loud in her ears.

  
  
  


* * *

**Sprig**

Sprig panted for a second, then started looking around for something to block the door with, finding a heavy-looking wooden shelf just next to the door.

“C’mon, help me push this over,” he said, shoving at it with all his might. Which unfortunately wasn’t a whole lot. “Sasha?”

She was still standing in the center of the room, but she startled when her name was called. “Oh, right!” Without a hint of her usual bite, she rushed forward to help. Together, they knocked the shelf over in front of the door, just as the bandits began to beat on it from the other end.

He took a moment to look around for some method of escape. The vines had grown into this room, winding around and through the stone and blanketing every surface, including the floor. There was a staircase in the right corner, but it was blocked by rubble, so that was no good. The room branched off into another that was some sort of barracks, judging by all the beds. There wasn’t any other way out that he could see.

They were trapped.

“Why’d you do that?”

He looked at Sasha. “What?”

Sasha was looking at him, but not in her usual glare-filled way. Just… looking. “You saved me from that crossbow bolt. Why’d you do it?”

“Because it was the right thing to do!”

She stared at him.

“...And, Anne and Marcy wouldn’t be happy if they found out something happened to you.”

She looked thoughtful at that, then nodded, like that made much more sense to her.

At that moment, an axehead pierced through the door, and Sprig readied himself for a fight as Sasha raised her sword next to him. 

(Because they  _ had  _ to fight, no matter how hopeless it seemed. If they didn’t, they’d both die, and then Anne and Marcy would die, too, and Hop Pop and Polly and Lady Olivia and the king would never know what happened to them, only that they’d gone scouting and never came back, and Sprig  _ really  _ didn’t want to be thinking about that right now but there went his brain being a jerk).

Within five minutes, the door and the shelf were just splinters, and bandits were flooding in with shouted battlecries and waving weapons. Sasha tried to hold them at the door, but there was too many, and she seemed to be taking his words about Anne and Marcy not wanting them to kill a bit  _ too  _ seriously, there was a difference between killing when you didn’t have to and killing someone in a fight, and it was clearly hard to knock them out when there was so many of them so could she  _ please  _ start stabbing people-

In seven minutes, they were pushed back, and Sasha retreated into the barracks with the majority of bandits in pursuit. Only one stayed back to deal with him, a toad that grinned a sharp-toothed grin as he hefted the same axe that had chopped down the door.

Thinking quickly, Sprig hopped up on a piece of the stairway rubble, as the toad swung and missed. It shifted a little under his weight. That gave him an idea.

“Hey, ugly! Come and get me!”

_ “Ugly?! Don’t you know it's rude to mock someone for their appearance, you bug-eyed little freak?!” _

The toad snarled, charging forward with his axe raised. Sprig clambered up higher, shoving at the stone with his feet as hard as he could, feeling it shift come on just a little more...

And then the stone was rolling, and the toad’s eyes bulged as he tried to backpedal, but it was too late and-

_ Squish. _

Hopping down, Sprig refused to look at what was left of the bandit as he rushed over to the door leading into the barracks. Sasha was holding them off, was actually really good with a sword but he’d never tell her that, but she was pinned at the end of the room, and it was clear that they’d overwhelm her at this rate. 

He should do something, but he didn’t know  _ what,  _ and so he looked around for something  _ to  _ do and-

The doorway. The doorway looked unstable, the stone threaded through with vines that seemed to be the only thing holding it up at this point. He tugged at a vine, just to test it. The ceiling overhead shifted.

“Sasha! You need to get over here  _ now!” _

For a moment, Sasha didn’t respond, didn’t pause for a second in her fight for survival, and Sprig was worried she wouldn’t listen to him, but then she was driving a bandit’s sword into the ground, vaulting over his back and-

Wow. She flipped and dodged and slipped her way through the bandits with ease, and Sprig kinda wanted to watch because it was honestly really cool, but instead he started tugging at the vine with all his strength, flecks of dust and rock falling from the ceiling as the stone moved, and just as Sasha dived through the doorway, it collapsed with a horrible sound of grinding stone, trapping the bandits inside the barracks.

“That was pretty risky,” Sasha complained, dusting herself off. “You could’ve gotten me killed.” Even then, there was a slightly impressed note to her voice.

“I just knew you’d be able to make it,” Sprig insisted. She smirked at that, and Sprig decided to let her have her ego boost. She’d earned it.

She looked around, and only acknowledged the toad on the ground with a slight pause before she was moving towards the door. Sprig followed suit. He didn’t want to spend any more time listening to the muffled curses of the bandits on the other side of those rocks as they banged fruitlessly trying to get out.

Outside, Sprig took a deep breath. “Well, I guess that takes care of most of-”

The bandit who’d alerted the others was sitting up, a crossbow in his hands aimed directly at Sprig. A  _ twang  _ echoed through the air as the bolt was released, and then Sasha was standing in front of him, nearly doubling over as the bolt made impact with her abdomen, and she released a sharp breath-

_ “Sasha!” _

But she didn’t fall to her knees, didn’t collapse or scream or do anything he expected. Instead, she snarled, and marched over to the bandit, slashing down at him as he frantically tried to reload. 

She turned back to him, and it was only then that he noticed the distinct lack of a bolt sticking out of her.

“What-I mean, how did you-”

“Relax.” Sasha walked over to him, picking up one half of a broken bolt from the ground.. “The toughest armor the smith at Toad Tower could make. Good thing I don’t settle for anything less than the best, huh? Also, this bolt looks really low-quality. That probably helped.” She smirked, but it seemed more  _ relieved  _ than smug, like she hadn’t even  _ known _ that would happen when she jumped in front of him.

That was another question. “Why’d you step in front of me like that?”

She shrugged. “It’s like you said. I don’t think your friends would be very happy if anything happened to you. Don’t read too much into it; I still think you’re an annoying little idiot.”

Sprig was definitely reading into it. Just a little bit.

(There she went saying  _ his  _ friends again…)

That left one last question on his mind. “Do you… do you think those guys will be able to get out of there? Ever?”

She gave him a knowing look. “Do you really care?”

He thought about it for a minute. “...Not really.”

“Well, I won’t tell Anne and Marcy if you won’t.” Sasha smirked again, but again it was a different smirk, like they were sharing a joke together. It was… weird.

Sprig nodded slowly. They had an understanding, in this at least.

“So, ready to go beat the snot out of the bandit leader and get them back?”

He nodded again, stronger this time. “Definitely.”

* * *

**Sasha**

Walking into the office was weirdly anticlimactic. They didn’t have to bash down the door, didn’t have to find some other way in. They just… walked inside. And it was inside that they finally found the bandit chief.

He was a newt, and bigger than average for his kind, wearing similar armor to his men, though the carapace seemed much shinier. His eyes were blood red, and his skin was all-consumingly dark with yellow spots dotted all around. He looked like something that, if it bit her, would have venom powerful enough to melt her flesh. (Newts didn’t have venom, did they?) He sat at his desk, watching them with steady eyes, like he wasn’t at all concerned about two intruders walking through his door. There was a key on a string hanging around his neck.

The entire back wall of the office was covered in the vines that infested so much of the fort, including many with those same, white flowers Sprig had warned her about. Either he liked to live dangerously, or he was an idiot. Probably both.

“You must be the ones causing all that commotion outside. My men must be even more incompetent than I thought if you’re still alive.”

His voice was slimy-smooth. Sasha wanted to take a shower just listening to it.

“You have our friends,” Sprig said, striking a battle pose. “We want them back.”

“What he said,” Sasha contributed.

The newt smiled, revealing a hint of pointy teeth. “Ah, yes. Those two. I figured as much.” His gaze lingered on Sasha. “I’d never seen a creature like you before those two wandered so carelessly into my web. Quite curious that you’d come all the way out to my neck of the jungle. And a young frog as well. We’re becoming quite the tourist destination.”

“We’re not here to listen to you monologue,” Sasha snapped. “Give them back, and we won’t kill you.”

His smile darkened. “The thing is… I can’t do that. You think I can let you just come in here, humiliate me and my men, and walk out like nothing happened? They’d never respect me again.”

The bandit chief stood up, pulling a wicked-looking spiked flail from under his desk.

“You really wanna pick this fight? We’ll wreck you just like we wrecked all the other idiots outside.” Sasha raised her sword in warning/anticipation.

“Oh, I think you’ll find me much more of a challenge than the fools I’m saddled with leading…”

Suddenly, the newt jumped clear over his desk, and Sasha and Sprig were forced to scatter in opposite directions to avoid his flail as it smashed into the ground where they’d been.

He focused on Sasha, because  _ of course  _ he did. She tried to parry his next attack, but the chain of his flail wrapped around her sword, tearing it from her grip.  _ Shit.  _ She dove to the right, narrowly avoiding a swing of his weapon as it splintered his desk instead of her bones.

_ “Damn you! That was the only good desk in this whole cursed place!” _

She continued to dodge around the room, barely remembering to avoid the flowers as she was nearly backed into the wall, until finally she was back where she started.

“Is this the best you can do? I’m going to have my men whipped bloody when this is over! Clearly they’ve been slacking on training if they couldn’t even defeat a couple of insects like you! I’ve never seen anything so pathetic…”

As the bandit leader continued to mock and berate them, Sprig hopped up to cling to her shoulder. “What’s our next move?” he whispered, clearly trying very hard not to sound panicked.

“I don’t know, I lost my sword. I don’t have a weapon to-”

Wait. She’d already come up with the  _ perfect _ plan earlier.

“Sprig, do you trust me?”

“I mean, not really, but, at this exact moment? Sure!”

“Good.”

* * *

**Sprig**

Sprig didn’t have time to ask  _ why  _ she was asking for his trust before she was grabbing him with both hands. He yelped, and then he found himself being flung directly at the bandit chief like he was some sort of ball.

The newt’s eyes widened.

Sprig screamed.

And then Sprig slammed into the newt’s face, clinging on by pure instinct, those shocked, red eyes now uncomfortably close as the bandit chief cursed and stumbled backwards and Sprig shrieked in a very-manly-not-at-all-girlish manner.

Just as it seemed like the newt would regain his balance. Sprig felt Sasha slam into them from behind, and he took the opportunity to hop off as the bandit leader stumbled back… right into the white flowers.

For a moment of bated breath, it seemed like the newt’s armor would protect him from their paralysing effect as he struggled to right himself... 

But then, his hand brushed against a petal.

It was instantaneous. At once, the bandit leader locked up, hand still touching the petal as he remained upright leaning back against the wall. Red eyes darted back and forth, naked panic contained within. He didn’t say anything. It didn’t seem like he  _ could  _ say anything. Could he even breath with his muscles locked up like that? Sprig didn’t want to find out.

“Wow,” Sasha said as she observed the newt, “you really weren’t kidding about those flowers.”

“Y’know, you could’ve told me you were doing that,” Sprig said.

Sasha grinned, but in a friendly-and-amused way. “What can I say. I just knew you could do it.”

Throwing his own words back at him. Nice.

“Well… at least it worked.” Sprig paused. “You know… we actually make a pretty decent team.” He had no choice but to admit it.

“...Yeah. I guess we do,” Sasha said hesitantly. At least she wasn’t being a jerk about it.

There was a door to the left of where the desk had been. Sasha plucked a key from around the bandit chief’s neck. She passed it to him, and he unlocked the door eagerly.

On the other side was a staircase that led down.  _ “Anne! Marcy! Can you hear me?” _ Sprig hollered.

_ “What-Sprig? Is that you? We’re down here!” _

It was them! They sounded a little raspy, but other than that okay. He turned to share his exuberance with Sasha, only to see her in the process of slipping out the door.

“What are you doing?”

She froze. “I’m just… leaving. You should get down there. Go rescue your friends.”

“You keep saying that.” Sprig frowned. “Aren’t they  _ your  _ friends, too?”

She wilted slightly. It was unsettling to see her so meek. “Anne… well, Anne already made it clear she doesn’t want to be my friend anymore. And if Marcy is with her… she’s made her choice. I don’t think they’ll want to see me.”

“That’s stupid.”

“What?” A bit of her usual self resurfaced, agitation expressed in her narrowed eyes.

“That’s  _ stupid,”  _ Sprig repeated. “I know for a  _ fact  _ that Anne considers you a friend! I don’t know  _ why,  _ after you were such a jerk to her, but she won’t stop talking about how she wants to make up with you. And Marcy still considers you a friend, too! She didn’t choose Anne over you because she cares about you _ both.”  _ He sighed when Sasha shifted reluctantly. “Look… I don’t like you. I don’t understand why they’d want to be your friend when you’ve been so horrible to them, but… they do. And I know that you care about them, too, or you wouldn’t be here right now. So let’s go get them out  _ together.” _

“I don’t know…”

Sprig rolled his eyes. “I mean, who knows what the bandits did to them? They could be hurt! They might need help walking! I don’t think I’d be able to handle it alone, but if you  _ really _ want to leave them when they could need your help, I guess you can just-”

“Fine,” Sasha snapped, crossing her arms. “I’ll go, just stop with the stupid guilt-tripping.”

“Great!” Sprig smiled.

Sasha took a deep breath, and then moved to stand next to him at the top of the stairs. Together, they went to free  _ their  _ friends...

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my [Tumblr](https://thecrusadercomrade.tumblr.com/) to keep up with progress on all of my fics, interact with me, and see extra content related to my writing, such as deleted scenes!
> 
> 1\. Just so you know, while it wasn't my intent writing his dialogue, I can't stop thinking of the bandit chief having the voice of Principal Bump from Owl House. That's just his voice to me, now. Feel free to go back and read his dialogue with that in mind.
> 
> 2\. Also, I finally finished Owl House! I hope to start working on an outline for the fic I've got planned soon enough. I'll also being going for another chapter of Cell Dates while also trying to finish it's outline, and I'll have a valentine's day fic coming out tomorrow, so watch out for that I'll also be looking to finish up what requests and minor fics I have left to to so I can focus on new projects.


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